I can't believe how much I've been eating lately. Seems I am always eating and when I'm not eating I am thinking about food. In the last seven weeks I've gained more than ten pounds.
Tonight I was sitting on the sofa watching "Conspiracy Theory" and Cheerios started dancing through my mind. I had only finished dinner two hours ago. I knew I wasn't hungry, but the pull toward the kitchen was so strong. Mmmm. Cheerios, soy milk, and one of those perfectly ripe bananas from the fruit bowl sliced over the top. But as my bare toes made contact with the carpet, it hit me ~ I am not hungry. I am empty. It is the gaping hole left in my heart by Steve's absence that I am trying to fill. I eased myself back into a sitting position and gave this some thought. This emptiness can't be filled. Not with food. Not with anything I can work up in the here and now. This hole in my heart can only be filled, I am told, by time, with patience, and with God's love.
I didn't have the snack tonight and I pray that God will hold this thought in my mind and help redirect me whenever the kitchen calls.
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